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Sierra 4 Ever

Tree Planted in Sierra's Memory

Tree Planted in Sierra's Memory
Thank you Mrs. Ray, Sierra's classmates & Valrico Elementary

Sierra's Video Montage Played At Her Service - Sierra Through The Years

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

All In All...I Am Thankful



It is a wierd thing to come to the reality that your child passed away. There are times I am more accepting of it than others. There are times I feel I can hear her coming down the stairs or I can just go upstairs to her room and she will be there. There are times I sit in disbelief of all that we have been through for the past 2+ years. I am forced to believe in the unbelievable...Sierra is now in Heaven. There is a comfort to know that she will never have to battle cancer again, she doesn't have to live in this warped world we live in and she is in eternal happiness in the arms of her creator. It would be selfish of me to want her back. Having her back would mean that cancer may come back to. It would mean many hospital stays and time away from Arielle and Daniel. Yet having her back would mean I get to hold her again, laugh with her and be surrounded by her love again. Sierra was very unselfish in her love, she showered us with it a lot. Oh...she did have her moments when she would get mad but man did she look cute even when she was angry. So, I have to miss her and get through this dark pit of grief and I am for the most part. I am. In the end it is best for me to honor her memory and Sierra was all about being happy. What was important to Sierra was having her loved ones near her and making the most of each day with us. I have to do that now...make the most of each day for her and do things for her so she will always be remembered. It isn't always easy but it is necessary and helps in the healing process. As I tell everyone I speak to "I will never get over it but I will get through it." Yes, this is the unbelievable, where my family and I are at now but I believe in God and in Heaven and I believe that is where she is. It is unbelievable to believe in God who we do not see but that is where faith comes in and faith is what is helping me to get through this. I am not there and may not get completely there but all I can do is get through each day as it comes and knowing as each day passes...I am one day closer to seeing Sierra's smile, feeling her hugs and hearing her voice again.

I am grateful to the support I get...with family...my job...friends...my website friends and I thank each and every one of you. That is so important and needed at this time to know you are not walking alone. I am so thankful that I am not. I do share this road with good friends that are dealing with the death of a child and I am grateful to them as well. Sherry, you are an amazing person and I thank you for being there and Christie...I hope you know that I will always be here for you and cherish your friendship more than ever. There are more but than this blog would be more of a book than a blog and no one would have the time to read, lol.

Thanksgiving is almost here and I want to wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving. I will be among family and that is awesome. I know some may be asking "what is there to be thankful for?" Even though Sierra has passed away and I miss her desperately...I am thankful for:

God having blessed me with her..no matter how short the time...I will remember and cherish it for the rest of my life.

I got to experience the unconditional and unselfish love of a child with special needs. They may not be on the outside what the world deems as perfect but on the inside they are pure perfection. They have the qualities that God would love for all of us to have.

My little girl now dwells in the most beautiful magnificent place in the world...she is walking on streets of gold and never has to face sickness again.

I will always be her mom and one day I will be with her again...we all will.

I am thankful for the pediatric cancer survivors and pray for their continued health.

I am thankful for this website and for all of you who read it.

I am thankful for my children...who are surviving each day without their sister with amazing strength.

I am thankful for no more hospital stays. Man was the food awful!!!

I am thankful for the many organizations that still want me to be a part of them. I will always be affected by this cancer demon and now all I want to do is pay my blessings forward and I pray I can always give back to these wonderful people.

There is more for me to be thankful for...but I am trying not to make this blog too long. I will shed tears on this day and especially at Christmas but in the end I will be okay. Thank you for helping me to realize that I will be okay.

God bless you all!!!

2 comments:

Natalie Willis said...

God bless you all. May your hearts be given many reasons to smile this holiday season.
Love,
Natalie
www.believeinmandy.blogspot.com

Alexandra Mikaela - Awareness Warrior said...

Beautifully written...Never over it, but through it...

Hey, I like hospital food! =p

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